If it's a depression day
Depression as you may know comes with a large array of symptoms. For me it can be ; tearful, feeling weak, not wanting to socialise or speak, sad, feeling lethargic, no optimism, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks, nervous tummy, feeling worthless, feeling isolated, negative thoughts regarding friends and family and what they think of me, catastrophising, withdrawn, quiet and the list goes on.
When I experience such days, I can't wait for the day to be over. I get into bed and reward myself for making it through the day. For people suffering in this way the next second can feel impossible never mind the full day. For my depression I take sertraline an anti depressant.
If it's a psychosis day
Psychosis for me is the most difficult to cope with. It takes away my control, my rational thoughts and part of my personality. The symptoms that affect me are; feelings of losing control, self harm, anger, no time to hesitate before actions, frustration as these days are when the voice is more intense. Often I get violent thoughts and feelings, OCD, irritable, defensive, impulsive behaviors, addictive behaviors, inability to sit still, panic, talking fast and often aggresilvly. The list once again goes on.
Sometime I fluctuate between moods within days or even seconds. I have no control over what type of day it is going to be. I have to judge my mood as soon as possible to be able to put the correct coping strategies in place. I have different strategies for different moods and if I don't act on them religiously I loose control. I see my illness as evil, it likes to change tactics a lot and changes between moods often. The voice I hear also changes tactic. It can be derogatory during a bout of depression but dangerous and goading during a bout of psychosis.
As you can imagine it is a lot to deal with in 24 hours, I have done this whilst been a housewife, mum, carer and a full time nursery nurse. It ends up in a classic case of burn out. It would be so easy to give up. But that complete d*** that invades my headspace would be the winner and it's not even a physical being.
Confused? Me too! There is no way of ridding it all together. It's a part of my life that I have to accept and do my best with. Don't sit on these feelings get them out and talk them out. If you don't don't the consequences may become serious.