Self Harming can include; Cutting, Nipping, Biting, Scratching, poisoning, over eating, under eating, burning skin, putting foreign objects in your body, hitting yourself or objects, overdosing, hair pulling and using excessive exercise. As you can see non of these are particularly pleasant, but often people feel that these strategies are the only option for relief even if it is short lived and leave permanent scars. Please don't ever think that it is the option we want to take!
There are many reasons why people may self harm and each reason is different to each person; Pressure in employment, bullying in any form, financial worries, sexual, physical or emotional abuse, loss of someone that is close to us (in death or otherwise) , confusion about your own sexuality, illness and health problems, Difficult feelings, emotions or traumas. As you can see from these reasons people whom are not diagnosed with a mental illness may seek self harm as a matter of need in any of these situations. For those that are diagnosed it can be everyday, numerous times a day.
The way in which people have described why they self harm in these situations are; Expressing oneself when they are not able to put this into words, making what is going on inside them into a physical sight to help them to work through it, take emotional pain away to concentrate on the physical pain, regain control, let out hurtful memories, when feeling disconnected and numb to feel something, give yourself a reason to be kind to yourself (yes really!), reduce suicidal thoughts and to communicate these feelings to those who are close to them, to try and get themselves help when they do not know how to put it into words.
The only way in which I learnt to gain more control over self harming and often supress the urges was to learn how the self harm cycle works, once you know how something works and remember it, the more you can do to intervene before the next step in the cycle comes into play.
The self harm cycle:
1. Thoughts, feelings, experiences and traumas are all at the forefront of your mind, you feel overwhelmed and like you can not cope.
2. After suffering and trying to work through positive coping strategies and them not working, you begin to self harm in any way that you use.
3. After you have self harmed new feelings come into view about what you have just done to yourself and often other people whom are close to you that can see what you've radiate new feelings and your brain takes them in. Feeling about yourself can include, guilt, failure, sadness, anger etc. Other peoples thoughts and feelings projected onto you could be, disappointment, anger, frustration etc.
4. All the new thought and feelings about yourself and from others, force the cycle to round again, those new feelings in step 1 and step 3 once again lead to self harm.
If you remember the cycle you have more of a chance of fighting it and interjecting at the correct time before it becomes too serious. Try to build up a resilience between step 1 and 2 . It is not instant and it does take lots of practise and trial and error with positive coping strategies. But do not ever give up, You are not an expert without repetitive practise.
A piece of information for people who have someone dear to them that self harms, please try to understand things from their point of view. Just because people do it doesn't mean they want to! If I could stop harming myself all together I would be ecstatic, but unfortunately that is a long way off. Remember that they may need help, or even just a chat. Their brains are been overwhelmed and they need to let it out, but they will suffer in silence and use the self harm cycle like a merry go round, especially if you project your own feelings onto them as well as their own.
A piece of information for the general public would be; Not to judge what you see and think you know, you have no way of knowing what that person is dealing with or their life in the background. Stop and think whether you would throw names at and act disgusted towards your immediate family if they were suffering. Lets stop the stigma and head towards ending silent suffering. Just be kind to people and don't make it about their self harm, if they are stood at a bus stop the last thing they would want is " Hi, I have come to say Hello because I saw the scars and cuts on your wrists, so I thought you may need help." Often the smallest things such as a smile- not pitifully, can make someone feel better about themselves and may even smile back. Imagine how much time and effort they went to, to leave the house that day and how much preparation they did to cover most of their scars, to not feel like an outcast.
I am a self harmer, I wish I wasn't but I have now learnt to supress it a bit, by trying to break the cycle and fight back against the urges. I still have a long recovery ahead and permanent scars, but I am human, just a human with struggles.