The first medication I took was Sertraline an anti-depressant. It was the first time I ever asked for help. I sat in front of the doctor and said, "I need help I don't feel myself" I was given a questionnaire and sent away with an anti depressant prescription. I had never taken and mental health medication before. I took them for a couple of days and they made me physically sick, so I stopped them.
When I stopped them I wasn't even known by the mental heath service and I continued on a downward spiral into inappropriate behaviours and wondering what I did wrong to have this life I had.
I hit rock bottom and swallowed a months supply of sertraline along with other tablets around the house.
Those tablets are disgusting on the way back up.
After my recent hospital admittance and new diagnosis I was given quetiapene an anti-psychotic alongside my sertraline. As I started taking this I realised that It comes with its own list of horrible side affects;
- Muscle tremors, spasms, cramps and stiffness.
-Whole body in pain with the above
-sleepy
I was then given Procyclodene to counter act the anti-psychotic side affects. I was horrified when I realised they treated Parkinson's disease!
I am also on the top dose of sertraline which causes;
-Nausea and or sickness
-Insomnia- longest period was three months
So my every day life is plagued with physical side affects, That often affect my functioning.
I am now refused diazepam and sleeping tablets such as they are addictive and I was becoming dependent to get through the day. Of course I was! They work! And they make everything seem calmer and slower and I don't actually care what it going on around me.
I also realise that I can moan about all of the above every minute of every day, but the consequence of not taking them are far greater and the way I would feel would be much worse than the side affects. Mental health professionals say "medication is not the answer" I understood and agreed with this until I thought more about it, IT IS the answer.......If you don't take your medication you will go into crisis and worse you could hurt yourself beyond the point of return. Self help strategies are impossible if you do begin to go into crisis. If you are in crisis you cant start any therapy or recovery. If your in crisis and too unstable to have therapy, you can not access psychotherapy. So yes medication is the answer as you cant self help without it.
Yes I hate every side affect of every tablet, but mental health medication really is a life or death decision.