My dad quoted to me: "If you don't think you can manage surviving day to day, think about how your surviving the day hour by hour, If you cant manage that, Try minute by minute and if not do it second by second."
When he first said this I did what I always do and thought, 'Oh yeah like that's going to make me better'
A little while after I realised that I was right! Nothing is going to make me better, but with help from the mental health service and a good dose of self-help I could maintain stability even if it was only for a second.
Here is an example of how I use this strategy with basic day to day events that are second nature to those that are 'well'
I wake up in bed and instantly think, I do not want to open my eyes, I do not want to get out of the quilt, I do not want to go to the toilet, I don't want to live today, I don't want to face anything because I just cant cope today. These are just a few of the impossibilities that I set myself before my eyes are even open. On more negative days I do not want changes to I cant and vice versa. I then think of the motto my dad told me to remember.
I then talk to myself; Ok so I have opened my eyes and nothing has happened. I can t face today I just wont make it. I have an appointment in 2 hours with my CPN I don't even know how I am going to manage to get out of bed and dressed to go never mind leaving the house. In 10 minutes my husband will want me to take my tablets, They make me feel physically ill and I will have to go all the way downstairs to take them. Ok those are all targets and are way too big for me today. So I'm just going to flick the cover back (carry the action out) Then I am going to sit up and put my feet on the floor ( this helps with grounding yourself, carry the action out) Now I have moved I need the toilet, I am going to go to the toilet ( carry action out) I am now going to brush my teeth and wash whilst im already in here( carry actions out)Ok so now I need to get back to the bedroom (carry action out) Now I need to make the bed (carry action out) I now need to choose some appropriate clothing ( go with an outfit you know you've warn recently as it stops the difficulties with making decisions, carry action out) Now I need to dress ( carry action out) Now I need my hair to look half decent ( I normally just put it in a bun as I can do this in seconds and is almost an auto piloted action, carry action out) I now need to get downstairs to even come close to my other targets (carry out action without self inflicted pressure. Remember to mover at a pace suitable to you and take deep breaths.
When I get downstairs I automatically sit on the sofa in my usual spot.
This gives me a sense of accomplishment and whilst I am sat their I can tell myself that I did well to even open my eyes and I am sat down ready for the day on the settee, thinking about every move I make, every second leaves little room for negative thoughts and feelings and makes it harder for them to distract you. If I have achieved all that felt impossible to me this morning, I can look at the next few seconds or even move the bar up to minutes.
Of course this does not mean it would work for every one every day, each day is different and state of mind changes rapidly. Positive coping mechanisms are the hardest to crack. But start simple and carry it out religiously and it will become part of everyday life. When we are at crisis point, often they stop working, even for me and unfortunately that is the nature of the illness. Which is why everyday must start with optimism, so that we can enjoy the not so bad days when we do eventually have some.
We are not lazy or idle with no work ethic, our struggles are just more simple, but yet they have devastating impact on us and our mental health.