One of the first encounters with the stupid label was after I had taken an overdose. I didn't want to be saved, I didn't want to be alive and I absolutely felt I had No place or purpose here. For a good few week all I said to professionals was that I wanted to die and I was disappointed that I was here. Professionals understand this, other people don't. I even met other mental health patients in recovery that were more stable that me that labelled these thoughts as stupid. They didn't seem to realise that not so long ago they were in similar situations.
I have a massive fear of abandonment. I feel like I will be rejected, abandoned and cut out by people closest to me. This also gets the 'stupid ' brand. For me these feelings are real and very frightening. To me they are not stupid! I cannot cope with family illness, even when it's just a cold through fear of losing them. I feel there is something or someone (the horrible sadistic devil inside my head) that wants to take them away.
The voice is my head becomes demanding, intense and threatening. When I am at my lowest I have to listen and follow instruction just to 'survive'. Being led by a voice that is not a real being is not stupid! For me this is my reality! Unless you have experienced such a confusing situation you will never understand. This is my everyday. Don't call it stupid. If I said that the second voice is my grandma and she guides me, that wouldn't be branded stupid it would get the opposite reaction. People would encourage me to take it as a hope, a positive guidance and a lovely experience to be able to talk to a loved and lost one. But negative voices are stupid?!
I have no self esteem, I think people around me are staring and can see my vulnerability. I doubt myself in every role I have in my life and in everything I do. I don't expect you to call me stupid because of this! Doubting myself is a reality of my illness. I question my every move, word and thought. Don't you do it too!
I could go on forever about how many times I've been told not to be stupid for thinking, or saying certain things or because of my behaviour. If I said what you believed was stupid, would you accept it?
For people with mental illness their everyday struggles are hard and often dangerous. Don't insult us with your ignorance but don't force a false understanding. All you have to do is stop saying things are stupid.
I agree, today my blog is quite aggressive but when I am feeling such intense feelings, anger is a normal emotion it's not stupid! So before you use this label just remember you normals are not others normals. We are not stupid or thick, in fact some of the most intelligent people in history walked the line of insanity. You wouldn't call them stupid!