At this time of year there are lots of statistics around about domestic abuse being at a high number compared to the rest of the year. I am a domestic abuse surviver and one of my worst attacks was on New Year's Eve. I don't know why things increase at certain times and I can't change it. Never be judgmental about age/gender because domestic abuse doesn't have a rule book. So today I am going to share one of my most haunting experiences and explain how domestic abuse has changed my life forever.
This particular New Year's Eve I was working behind the bar at my local. He wasn't there but that's his fault for getting barred for giving the bar maid verbal abuse as she worked. The bar maid was me. I saw him stagger to the front doors and begin shouting through them about spending New Year's Eve without him and talking to other men when he's not around. Abuse was hurled and me through the doors until my boss realised he was there and told him to move away and come back to pick me up when I had finished.
I had finished my shift and was ready for home. At that point we were staying at his mums house. He had waited outside for me. Over the road from the pub their was an alcoholic man that lived there he wanted to call in for a drink. My partner took me their just for one drink then we set of again to his mums. We had a series of ginnels to walk through to get home the quickest. ...
Whilst walking he began to shout and swear and become angry. His anger seemed to boil a bit more with every derogatory name that passed his lips. I was accused of cheating with a man he saw me SERVE in the pub. I tried to desperately explain that it was my job to talk to customers. It didn't work. The next thing I felt was a blow to the side of my head as we reached the first ginnel. " That's for talking to him".
The next blow was my jaw. It gave an almighty crack and the pain seared through my jaw, cheek, ear and head. I have never felt pain like it. The next was my stomach and even my genital area. I was being punished for talking to some one as part of my job. The blows kept coming until we reached his mums house. " straight in and straight to bed. I don't want my mum seeing you for the disgrace you are" I apologised over and over and over. But I don't actually know what for.
This was not the first attack and it wasn't the last. It is one that stands out due to the time of year. I was so unhappy. But I was too frightened to speak out. I thought he loved me. I would be nothing without him.
Today my life is still affected by the left overs of domestic abuse. My wonderful husband sometimes has to tip toe around me through fear of triggering me. Tonight I will remember the attack that happened but be grateful when I look to the side of me in the sofa. My husband would never and never has hurt me. Strangely that's harder than the memories to deal with. I expect him to turn into HIM. It's horrible to think that way and after four years I think I would of seen it by now.
Tonight the human instinct of fight or flight will be in full flow fuelled with alcohol, drugs and memories. In a relationship such as this it is easier for the abusee to just accept what is happening and think they deserve it. The abuser may even take it just one step too far and your loved ones, friends and other people you know may lose their lives. If you are suffering in a relationship like this I beg you to ring for help either law enforcement or a charity helpline that will help you get out and inform the people that will get you out of danger. Don't wait until midnight and don't wait to see if it happens or not. Don't stay because of love, fear, low self esteem. Get out! If you have children, it's time they stopped seeing and hearing such things that could affect their precious minds at a delicate stage of life as they develop. It's hard and lots of women won't even attempt to leave. But if just one woman stands up. It's one less horrific statistic and funeral for loved ones to be heading towards in the new year.
Today I will be closing my blog until 2nd January for the New Years festivities. Hope your new year is healthy and happy. Thank you for all your support see you in 2016!!! 😀💕