My feelings have been mixed since I got my appointment because as usual something so simple can cause a stir in my head.
I am am frightened about talking through events in my past. They were bad enough the first time around. I know what emotions it will provoke in me and possibly others I have forgotten about.
I am wary that my behaviour in the past when I was going through the emotions that these events left behind. I do not want to repeat any of that behaviour and potentially ruin what I have re built in the past 3 years . I have built my life as it should be and I would not change any of it or anyone in it.
I am hopeful that this works and can help. I understand that there is never a cure but I am hoping day to day life becomes more manageable in order for me to complete my future studies and re build a career.
I am very aware of my family and the people around me willing this to work. They want to see me well. For me and for them. My mum wants to worry a little less ... As do the rest of my family. I know they will be there to support me throughout my therapy and help me where they can.
I am looking forward to having more space in my head for 'Aimee' thoughts. I am now who I was always meant to be . I am more like Aimee in between relapses. Surpressing my illness for such a long time made me into an impossible person with impossible behaviour. The more 'Aimee' time I can get the better off I will be in the future.
As you can see it is a mixed bag ...... Accompanied by lots of tantrums and lots of crying. The voice is already telling me not to say "a f***ing word" but hopefully following therapy I will be able to tell it to bugger right off! I have a voice and I will use it to better my health with every fight I have left.
I will share my journey as it progresses.