Anger is a new emotion for me, I have intense, impulsive and explosive bouts of anger. They come in many forms and behaviours. My extreme anger is cause by my diagnosis od Borderline Personality Disorder. It makes my heart race, my blood to boil, my face to sweat and makes my head feel like its about to explode. Like I said before, this is all new to me and I do not like it. I didn't used to be angry like this, I was more emotional in other ways for example; tearfulness. I feel I cannot control the anger and I want it to go away. It affects me both physically and mentally. I do not know how to channel it or stop it and it can make me a danger to myself and others.
I have researched and looked into ways into which anger works to try and help me overcome this very present and new emotion that I am feeling. I found some of them useful, and they also give me some explanations about behaviours I show that I have never been able to associate with a particular emotion.
Aggression and violence seen on the outside;
This is the behaviour in which most people associate most with anger. It can consist of, shouting, swearing, smashing things, slamming things, hitting, throwing and becoming verbally and physically aggressive towards others.
These behaviours are physically destructive, they can cause many problems and involve people breaking the law. When I show this type of behaviour it is normally when I hit this type of anger face on from others. If someone is being outwardly verbally or physically aggressive I become an ball of angry fire. The only way I can think of surviving this confrontation is to match the other persons behaviour. The truth is that I am really frightened of this behaviour and confrontation and don't want to match it. But I cant help it, I am vowing to myself that no one, ever again will get the better of my in a confrontation whether it be verbally or physically. Of course, without me being able to control it , it can go too far.
This behaviour can be presented on the outside, but the battle is with yourself, no one else. It can cause you to believe and tell yourself that you hate who your are, becoming alone by cutting yourself away from the world, self harming and denying yourself of everyday needs, such as washing, dressing, eating or indeed anything that makes you happy.
I deal with this type of anger everyday. I never realised that these behaviours were because on inwards anger. The only way I knew is because I researched it myself. I am forever doubting myself and everything I do and when I make a mistake I become really angry with myself. I call myself names out loud, I tell myself that I'm stupid and that no on else ever had this problem. When I release with self harm or deny myself of care, I feel like I am taking control back.
Passive aggression without violence
This can include- Ignoring other people, refusing to speak to people, refusing to do tasks, deliberately doing things poorly, being late, being sarcastic, sulky and not outwardly saying what you feel angry about.
I am well known in my family for having a 'naughty list' I put people here when I am not happy with them, no matter how trivial or how far back in the past they did something to upset me. I will not answer there call or texts and struggle to speak face to face if I am around them. The only person that does not go on this particular list is my husband and my dad. I don't know why and I never knew it was through anger that I react in this way. When I am passive aggressive I can be sulky and sarcastic a lot of the time.
When anger becomes a problem and you experience these feelings all day everyday it can cause problems in your physical health. It can make you more vulnerable to coughs and colds, digestive problems and high blood pressure.
Anger can also affect your mental health, damaging your self-esteem by leaving you not knowing why you behave or feel this way and regret for acting it out in the various ways above. It also accelerates; Depression, eating disorders, sleeping problems, anxiety, self harm or alcohol and substance misuse.
Anger problems such as these can also be a symptom caused by mental health problem such as; Borderline personality disorder, other personality disorders, psychosis and paranoia.
Feeling this way can be very confusing and frustrating -adding to the anger. I do not feel like myself as when I have stable minutes, hours, days or even months I am nothing like this, I am caring, soft and kind. If you think someone has anger problems and you want to help them or help them to self help please approach it mindfully as they are most likely already feeling out of control and inferior to everyone around them. If you confront them with anger and confrontation you wont get anywhere...They will just match and maybe even outdo your behaviour and words.
On the other hand always remember that their is a chance that someone could use your anger problems as a vulnerability against your, ask those closest to you for help identify if this could be happening to you.