I have been looking after myself after my CPN (community mental health nurse) told me that she would be leaving. As you can imagine, my reaction to this was feelings of loss and fear. I was worried about not finding some one who understood me and listened to me as well as my nurse did. I was angry at her for leaving me. I now have a new CPN and .......I still don't get on with her. A relationship between a patient and their CPN is built on trust. I am just not there yet with her. I feel that she does not listen and takes no time to know me like my previous CPN. I'm still giving her a chance and hopefully I will be settled with my care once again.
I am currently waiting for phsycotherapy. This is going to help me to move forward and accept my past and understand that it cannot be changed. My loved ones need this and are putting high hopes into my treatment. I on the other hand - not so keen. I know its for the best but I am going to have to re visit everything relevant in my past. For those that know me know this is not going to be pretty. I am frightened of re experiencing those thoughts and feelings again along with all the ones I have surpressed. Its going to be hard work but, I'm putting my trust in my phsyciatrist, hoping he will know how to handle my reactions.
I have returned back to my counselling studies from last year and have managed to receive 100% marks in every assignment I have done so far. I had to take a break when I was hospitalised and then a wonderful ( I joke) mental health worker told me not to work in mental health "just because you have a mental illness" I was so pleased with this positivity from some one helping me to move forward. But like every job, some are brilliant at it, some not so much. Ive re focused and ignored this negativity as I'm using it for another role-Nursing. Again, thanks to the worker who didn't even ask what I was going to do with it! I am returning back to college next year for 1 year then moving onto university. Its about time I use my currently useless geeky scientific knowledge and put it to use.
So these are my most important important updates, obviously the the usual 'what I have learned whilst I have been away' posts will be following now I am back to it. So you can keep up with whats occurred in between this and my previous post.
Again thankyou to my patient followers for sticking with me and encouraging me to get back to my blog as it is an important outlet and hopefully will help others.