Domestic abuse is always associated with physical harming. Woman and men can both be subjected to domestic abuse and feel trapped within their own homes. Domestic abuse covers lots of areas; physical, sexual, financial, emotional and economical. Each one can be as devestating as the next. Victims are often subjected to more than one type of abuse in their relationship. I too have lived through the torment of domestic abuse but I'm not a victim - I'm a survivor, I'm still here and still haunted my memories and flashbacks but I am getting help and I got out of there! You may not know you are been abused yourself and loved ones and friends will hide it to protect their abuser- yes really! Protect them.
Using my own personal knowledge and experience of each type of abuse I will try and give people a better understanding and things to look out for. One life saved is a miracle, one experience prevented is a relief. Stop the silent suffering!
Physical abuse
Physical abuse is usually pain and injury inflicted in the hands of another on your body. This can include punching, kicking, burning, scratching, using objects to take blows at the body, stabbing, poisoning and as you can imagine much more along those lines.
When you are being physically abused it causes reactions that are instinctive to the human body. You try and protect yourself from the harm. The first few times you curl up and protect yourself. This just seems to make them angrier, by the time the abuse is at its worst in the relationship the victim often just takes it for the hope of it stopping sooner or being less aggressive. Physical abuse made me paranoid and anxious and I flinched at every noise and touch and had a hairline fracture in my jaw. I was pushed down stairs, hit around the head with a pirex jug, smacked, slapped among with other things. They can also use the threat of physical harm alone to make you submit. I have been so frightened that I wet myself. You begin to feel you deserve it more and more with every attack that takes place. When the abuser becomes more brave they can act it out in public without been seen. The marks and bruises are often able to hide under clothes so that people don't ask questions. Don't ever underestimate the abusers intelligence. They are often power mad, sadistic and clever.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse as you can imagine is devestating for anyone. I can not write very much about this as this type of abuse triggers people beyond belief, including myself. Even when I write my entries I have to keep myself safe. What I will tell you about is that some forms of sexual abuse are not as obvious. I learnt about a phrase called ' indirect rape'. This means that when you are in an abusive relationship you will always consent to sex to make your abuser happy in fear of the other types of abuse you may receive for being defiant. You are too scared to say no. It's easier and safer to just let it happen.
Financial abuse
Financial abuse is also not often heard of. When your partner has power over all expenses, leaving you with nothing to live on is financial abuse. When engaging in an online relationship with someone from abroad people are financially abused. They are exploited for there good nature and send money to their partner abroad on the pipe dream that they tell them about a happily ever after. Financial abuse covers a large area. Financial abuse can happen to anyone at anytime, even by family and friends and be caused by anyone of those people. I got to the point of my wage been taken straight out my bank by my partner, him telling me the bills were paid when they weren't and he spent it on drugs. He kept it from me for a while but you can't ignore red letters from energy companies. He hid the mail, the money and the severity of his drug habit. I couldn't even pay my bus Fare to work! I was too frightened to fight back.
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse can be caused and made worse by all other types of abuse. It is the longest lasting abuse as it starts from day 1 and the affects last a lifetime. It starts by the abuser telling you bad things about yourself, family and friends normally. You are made to feel like they are the only person that you need and the only person that cares. This allows them to gain control over you because you feel dependant on them. It escalates to blatant derogatory comments and leads you think that you would be nothing about them. You cut out your friends and family and even colleagues because you think they are no good for you or are conspiring to make your life hell. The scars of emotional abuse and the feelings about yourself that it leads behind worsen and sometimes cause mental illness. You never leave your abuser because you have nothing left and are too fearful to even try. There are no bars on the Windows and the doors are not locked but you are still imprisoned by your own thoughts planted by the abuser. You never tell anyone about the abuse because they will think your weak and you deserve everything you get for staying with your abuser. You also protect your abuser by staying quiet, you can't lose them because you can survive without them or do anything for yourself. Of course non of this is true, but it is your reality of you live it day in day out.
Economical abuse
This form of abuse is quite new to me. I didn't even know it had a name ! And didn't realise it was abuse. When you have a job and you are under an abusers power they may make you leave your job and not work. This means you are at home imprisoned all day. It gives them ultimate power and access to you in every way. You are financially dependent on them and feel you cannot leave. This may be worsened if you have children and feel you cannot provide for them. You feel you have no other option to stay. I was accused of all sorts when I got a new job. He didn't know who I was talking to and what about and he didn't like it one bit. It made the other forms of abuse more intense.
One thing all these forms of abuse have in common is that you are always made to feel like you asked for or deserved it. You apologise over and over for things you didn't cause or do. It's easier and safer to just accept.
If you are in a relationship right now in this situation please seek help. Your family will embrace you if you contact them because they are most likely very worried and are missing you. Feel no shame. Shout it from the rooftops! The safety of you and your children are paramount. If you have no family or friends to run to contact domestic violence helplines as soon as you can. The laws have also recently changed police will listen and help in a safe way for you and be aware that they may put you at more risk if they are not making you safe first. When I asked for help it was a domestic case they wouldn't get involved in. Make use of the new laws -today is your day and now is your time.